NSFW after the jump
Monday, February 10, 2014
I can't catch a break with my girl Kate Upton these days
I assume everyone saw this already. I've said what I needed to say about Kate and Justin already. It just pisses me off that she is gonna wife herself up before I get the chance to throw my hat in the ring. I'm 15 months out max from being the biggest star in the world and you're telling me its gonna be too late? Don't say that me! Have your fun Kate, I'm not telling you what to do. Just don't do anything stupid, because I am coming for you and you will always regret it if you don't hold out. At the rate we are going now I'm going to have to produce an engagement ring by the end of march. Fine, the things we do for love right? What are those things, three months salary? Pierce help me out with the math, what is 3 multiplied by 0?
News reporter on KTLA confuses Samuel L Jackson with Laurence Fishburne
Lets get real for a second. You can't fuck this up. Sounding like a racist is not scoring you any points. Unfortunately this news reporter he doesn't have a last name that allows him to get away with stunts like this (what up Phil). But the reason you can't fuck this up isn't the reason Sammy J put him on blast. Maybe these two guys do look a like to the reporter. I have 18 Korean people living in my apartment building and i'm convinced that it is one family of identical twin siblings that bought out every unit but mine. So I'm not mad at him for that. This is just simple cut and dry case of doing your hw vs not doing your hw. You know you have Samuel L Jackson on the show. You think, oh he was on that KIA superbowl commercial wasn't he? Look it up! Ever heard of google? Ever seen the Internship? I'm assuming you have, because Samuel Jackson isn't in it. Holy fucking awkward after he made this mistake. Knew he was dead in the water right away. And maybe this was a last minute add to the teleprompter, or off script all together, either way it's just so fucking stupid to make this mistake.
I feel like Coach Bud Kilmer. "Stick to the basics! Stick to the basics! Stick. To. The basics!"
Kristen Stewart stands by every mistake she has ever made
"I stand by every mistake I've ever made, so judge away," she says.
Listen, this article isn't worth reading probably unless you are a big fan of K-Stew. She just talks about life in Hollywood. But I am a fan and I did read it and now I want to talk about it. I admit that she isn't like A list hot, and she has less than zero expression, and she isn't that good of an actor, and that she is painfully awkward, but I dig it. Am I the only one, or does every else like her as much as I do? And to be honest, we are like polar opposites. She hates the spotlight, I love it. She loves working hard, I've never worked a day in my life. All I'm saying is, when you read this Kristen, I am happy to be one of your mistakes.
Does this look like the face of a chick who opened fire through the drive thru window at mcdonalds over a order mistake
She's so particular that when employees at a McDonald's in Grand Rapids, Mich., goofed up her order twice in one evening, she expressed her displeasure by allegedly firing a gun at the drive-thru window.
I'm on the fence here. I really am. On the one hand taking a life is a big deal. It's hard to get behind someone who is ready to kill another human being at point blank range. But on the other hand, each person has a breaking point. Now two order screw ups at mcdonals isn't that big of a deal. But lets talk details here. This chick showed up on sunday night and placed an order, which got screwed up. Mcdonalds offered a free meal on her next visit. Then she came back later that night and placed the same order and it got screwed up again! Same order twice in the same night. It's almost like they were fucking with her. How do you let that happen? Again, I'm on the fence. Sticking a pistol through the drive thru window is psycho, but so is not letting me eat what I ordered twice in four hours.
LC's birthday hoedown
I am in love with LC. Like love, love. It's actually the only reason I moved out here, for the hope that I might one day bump into her. I don't even really want to talk about this story because that means I have to talk about the fact that she is engaged. But engaged ain't married.
What I do want to talk about is that country look. Pig tails coming out of the cowboy hat. Fire flames on top of molten lava, on top of more flames. I am from Boston (fuck you james) and a lot of my new england buddies love country music. I never got into it. But country fest is something I can get down with, because it is a shit show and every girl looks like this. I mean clothing wise, body wise they couldn't even sniff LC. What is it about this look? Is it Daisy Dukes that did this? Or is this just something in the DNA code of men that makes me utterly powerless to pig tails, cowboy hats, and flannel shirts with 3 buttons undone?
Jared Leto is a self proclaimed pancake pro
The award-winning actor was filmed effortlessly flipping a pancake not once but twice!
Leto, who is seen dressed in a blue sweatshirt and matching sweatpants, looks at the pal who is filming and says, "You ready?!"
After the Dallas Buyers Club star successfully flaunts his flipping he makes a peace sign and proudly exclaims, "two times baby!"
Wait a minute, you're a pro if you can flip a fucking pancake? What are we even doing here anymore? If this makes you a pro I should be head chef at The Palm by tomorrow night. You should see me flip an omelette. You think slope style is cool? I will triple cork the fuck out of 3 eggs, ham, onions, and cheese and stick the landing so smooth it deserves a gold medal, and some orange juice on the side. Also, whats with the huge pancake? Like same amount of batter but three pancakes is better, right? The whole point is you get to stack them. I don't need one 24 inch pancake taking up my entire plate. Syrup dripping onto the table and shit. Bad look. I would say this is double AA ball pancake game at best.
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