NSFW after the jump
Monday, February 10, 2014
I can't catch a break with my girl Kate Upton these days
I assume everyone saw this already. I've said what I needed to say about Kate and Justin already. It just pisses me off that she is gonna wife herself up before I get the chance to throw my hat in the ring. I'm 15 months out max from being the biggest star in the world and you're telling me its gonna be too late? Don't say that me! Have your fun Kate, I'm not telling you what to do. Just don't do anything stupid, because I am coming for you and you will always regret it if you don't hold out. At the rate we are going now I'm going to have to produce an engagement ring by the end of march. Fine, the things we do for love right? What are those things, three months salary? Pierce help me out with the math, what is 3 multiplied by 0?
News reporter on KTLA confuses Samuel L Jackson with Laurence Fishburne
Lets get real for a second. You can't fuck this up. Sounding like a racist is not scoring you any points. Unfortunately this news reporter he doesn't have a last name that allows him to get away with stunts like this (what up Phil). But the reason you can't fuck this up isn't the reason Sammy J put him on blast. Maybe these two guys do look a like to the reporter. I have 18 Korean people living in my apartment building and i'm convinced that it is one family of identical twin siblings that bought out every unit but mine. So I'm not mad at him for that. This is just simple cut and dry case of doing your hw vs not doing your hw. You know you have Samuel L Jackson on the show. You think, oh he was on that KIA superbowl commercial wasn't he? Look it up! Ever heard of google? Ever seen the Internship? I'm assuming you have, because Samuel Jackson isn't in it. Holy fucking awkward after he made this mistake. Knew he was dead in the water right away. And maybe this was a last minute add to the teleprompter, or off script all together, either way it's just so fucking stupid to make this mistake.
I feel like Coach Bud Kilmer. "Stick to the basics! Stick to the basics! Stick. To. The basics!"
Kristen Stewart stands by every mistake she has ever made
"I stand by every mistake I've ever made, so judge away," she says.
Listen, this article isn't worth reading probably unless you are a big fan of K-Stew. She just talks about life in Hollywood. But I am a fan and I did read it and now I want to talk about it. I admit that she isn't like A list hot, and she has less than zero expression, and she isn't that good of an actor, and that she is painfully awkward, but I dig it. Am I the only one, or does every else like her as much as I do? And to be honest, we are like polar opposites. She hates the spotlight, I love it. She loves working hard, I've never worked a day in my life. All I'm saying is, when you read this Kristen, I am happy to be one of your mistakes.
Does this look like the face of a chick who opened fire through the drive thru window at mcdonalds over a order mistake
She's so particular that when employees at a McDonald's in Grand Rapids, Mich., goofed up her order twice in one evening, she expressed her displeasure by allegedly firing a gun at the drive-thru window.
I'm on the fence here. I really am. On the one hand taking a life is a big deal. It's hard to get behind someone who is ready to kill another human being at point blank range. But on the other hand, each person has a breaking point. Now two order screw ups at mcdonals isn't that big of a deal. But lets talk details here. This chick showed up on sunday night and placed an order, which got screwed up. Mcdonalds offered a free meal on her next visit. Then she came back later that night and placed the same order and it got screwed up again! Same order twice in the same night. It's almost like they were fucking with her. How do you let that happen? Again, I'm on the fence. Sticking a pistol through the drive thru window is psycho, but so is not letting me eat what I ordered twice in four hours.
LC's birthday hoedown
I am in love with LC. Like love, love. It's actually the only reason I moved out here, for the hope that I might one day bump into her. I don't even really want to talk about this story because that means I have to talk about the fact that she is engaged. But engaged ain't married.
What I do want to talk about is that country look. Pig tails coming out of the cowboy hat. Fire flames on top of molten lava, on top of more flames. I am from Boston (fuck you james) and a lot of my new england buddies love country music. I never got into it. But country fest is something I can get down with, because it is a shit show and every girl looks like this. I mean clothing wise, body wise they couldn't even sniff LC. What is it about this look? Is it Daisy Dukes that did this? Or is this just something in the DNA code of men that makes me utterly powerless to pig tails, cowboy hats, and flannel shirts with 3 buttons undone?
Jared Leto is a self proclaimed pancake pro
The award-winning actor was filmed effortlessly flipping a pancake not once but twice!
Leto, who is seen dressed in a blue sweatshirt and matching sweatpants, looks at the pal who is filming and says, "You ready?!"
After the Dallas Buyers Club star successfully flaunts his flipping he makes a peace sign and proudly exclaims, "two times baby!"
Wait a minute, you're a pro if you can flip a fucking pancake? What are we even doing here anymore? If this makes you a pro I should be head chef at The Palm by tomorrow night. You should see me flip an omelette. You think slope style is cool? I will triple cork the fuck out of 3 eggs, ham, onions, and cheese and stick the landing so smooth it deserves a gold medal, and some orange juice on the side. Also, whats with the huge pancake? Like same amount of batter but three pancakes is better, right? The whole point is you get to stack them. I don't need one 24 inch pancake taking up my entire plate. Syrup dripping onto the table and shit. Bad look. I would say this is double AA ball pancake game at best.
Dumb Starbucks store opens in LA
A Feb. 7 tweet under the handle @dumbstarbucks announced the store’s opening at 1802 Hillhurst Avenue in Los Angeles. Photos on social media showed a store that appeared to be a Starbucks with its familiar green awning and mermaid logo but with the word ‘dumb’ attached to its sign. The Seattle-based coffee chain says its legal team is working on identifying the store’s owner.
“We are aware of this store, and it is not affiliated with Starbucks,” spokeswoman Laurel Harper said in an email Monday. “We are evaluating next steps, and while we appreciate the humor, they cannot use our name, which is a protected trademark.” She adds that the vast majority of trademark disputes “are handled informally,” suggesting the company will not need to take legal action.
Fucking love this play. I'm not much of a coffer drinker and starbucks still bothers me. I mean this is clearly not legal but it's the best way to get recognized. Whatever happens from here everyone knows about this place on Hillhurst now and that is how it is going to stay. Put the big dog on blast. Love how the Starbucks rep says that these disputes are usually handled informally, saying they wont need to take legal action. I have never heard a bigger threat in my entire life. I agree, there will be nothing 'formal' about the 4 inch knife sticking out of this person's back come morning.
Kraft singles being forced (basically) to lose artificial preservatives
The change affects the company's Kraft Singles in the full-fat American and White American varieties, which Kraft says account for the majority of brand's sales.
I get trying to eat healthy. I really do. I try to eat healthy monday-friday so I can eat like a bag of dicks all weekend. I basically have to eat healthy come monday or my body would literally shut down. So it is important for there to be health food options out there. I just don't understand why we have to take anything that isn't perfectly healthy and ruin it. Cheese is fucking money, there are so many great cheeses for different things. But when you want a grilled cheese, bread slightly burned because the bread was ready but the cheese wasn't melted yet so you kept it on a little longer, that you can smother with ketchup, then kraft singles are a no fucking brainer. Keep my fridge stocked with them for that occasion. I understand this isn't the healthiest thing I'm eating today. I just melted 8 slices of cheese and drowned it in ketchup for christs sake. Just let me be. I understand when something comes individually wrapped in plastic its probably not good for me. I don't need to hear that boneless wings are unnatural and there is disgusting shit holding the meat together. Basically, if you are buying kraft singles you are not concerned with preservatives.
Chris Kattan arrested for DUI on the 101
The "Saturday Night Live" and "A Night at the Roxbury" alum, 43, drove up on some Department of Transportation guardrail work on the westbound 101 near Balboa Boulevard around 2 a.m. Though Caltrans had a lane closed with cones, flashing arrows and signs, Kattan crossed the cones in his Mercedes and whacked into the back of a work truck inside the closed-off area, California Highway Patrol Officer Monica Posada told L.A. Now.
The truck was empty, and nobody was hurt.
Chris Kattan has the exact career that I want. When it's all said and done, as long as my inevitable DUI makes headlines, then I've succeeded. Here's my question though. I've driven drunk before, multiple times. Not proud of it. Hope I never do it again. But lets just say I'm a realist and leave it at that. Each time I have been behind the wheel and over the limit and I have been able to drive. Probably a bit swervey, or maybe too fast, but I've never been this bad. Maybe I have my friends to thank, for never letting me get into my car when I am that cooked, but I just don't get it. Like you can't even walk to your fucking car, so how is driving it even an option? The point is if you are so fucking drunk that you plow through cones and then into the back of a parked truck you deserve the DUI.
PS If he didn't get out complaining about neck problems we all lose.
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