Dumb Starbucks store opens in LA

Source - Starbucks says it is trying to contact the people responsible for a “Dumb Starbucks” store that set up shop in Los Angeles this weekend.

A Feb. 7 tweet under the handle @dumbstarbucks announced the store’s opening at 1802 Hillhurst Avenue in Los Angeles. Photos on social media showed a store that appeared to be a Starbucks with its familiar green awning and mermaid logo but with the word ‘dumb’ attached to its sign. The Seattle-based coffee chain says its legal team is working on identifying the store’s owner.

“We are aware of this store, and it is not affiliated with Starbucks,” spokeswoman Laurel Harper said in an email Monday. “We are evaluating next steps, and while we appreciate the humor, they cannot use our name, which is a protected trademark.” She adds that the vast majority of trademark disputes “are handled informally,” suggesting the company will not need to take legal action.

Fucking love this play. I'm not much of a coffer drinker and starbucks still bothers me. I mean this is clearly not legal but it's the best way to get recognized. Whatever happens from here everyone knows about this place on Hillhurst now and that is how it is going to stay. Put the big dog on blast. Love how the Starbucks rep says that these disputes are usually handled informally, saying they wont need to take legal action. I have never heard a bigger threat in my entire life. I agree, there will be nothing 'formal' about the 4 inch knife sticking out of this person's back come morning. 

Kraft singles being forced (basically) to lose artificial preservatives

Source - NEW YORK (AP) — Kraft is removing artificial preservatives from its most popular individually wrapped cheese slices, in the latest sign that companies are tweaking their recipes as food labels come under greater scrutiny.
The change affects the company's Kraft Singles in the full-fat American and White American varieties, which Kraft says account for the majority of brand's sales.

I get trying to eat healthy. I really do. I try to eat healthy monday-friday so I can eat like a bag of dicks all weekend. I basically have to eat healthy come monday or my body would literally shut down. So it is important for there to be health food options out there. I just don't understand why we have to take anything that isn't perfectly healthy and ruin it. Cheese is fucking money, there are so many great cheeses for different things. But when you want a grilled cheese, bread slightly burned because the bread was ready but the cheese wasn't melted yet so you kept it on a little longer, that you can smother with ketchup, then kraft singles are a no fucking brainer. Keep my fridge stocked with them for that occasion. I understand this isn't the healthiest thing I'm eating today. I just melted 8 slices of cheese and drowned it in ketchup for christs sake. Just let me be. I understand when something comes individually wrapped in plastic its probably not good for me. I don't need to hear that boneless wings are unnatural and there is disgusting shit holding the meat together. Basically, if you are buying kraft singles you are not concerned with preservatives. 

Chris Kattan arrested for DUI on the 101

Source - Comedic actor Chris Kattan was arrested in the early morning hours Monday on suspicion of DUI after allegedly hitting a Caltrans truck on the 101 Freeway in Encino, L.A. Now reports.

The "Saturday Night Live" and "A Night at the Roxbury" alum, 43, drove up on some Department of Transportation guardrail work on the westbound 101 near Balboa Boulevard around 2 a.m. Though Caltrans had a lane closed with cones, flashing arrows and signs, Kattan crossed the cones in his Mercedes and whacked into the back of a work truck inside the closed-off area, California Highway Patrol Officer Monica Posada told L.A. Now. 

The truck was empty, and nobody was hurt.

Posada said that before the incident authorities had received a 911 call reporting the Mercedes "weaving all over the roadway at slow speeds." 

Chris Kattan has the exact career that I want. When it's all said and done, as long as my inevitable DUI makes headlines, then I've succeeded. Here's my question though. I've driven drunk before, multiple times. Not proud of it. Hope I never do it again. But lets just say I'm a realist and leave it at that. Each time I have been behind the wheel and over the limit and I have been able to drive. Probably a bit swervey, or maybe too fast, but I've never been this bad. Maybe I have my friends to thank, for never letting me get into my car when I am that cooked, but I just don't get it. Like you can't even walk to your fucking car, so how is driving it even an option? The point is if you are so fucking drunk that you plow through cones and then into the back of a parked truck you deserve the DUI.  

PS If he didn't get out complaining about neck problems we all lose. 

The Hollywood Hills

NSFW after the jump

Katy Cocktease says she prayed for big tits

Source - Perry, the daughter of two preachers, admits that she's been obsessing over her bust since childhood.

"I lay on my back one night and looked down at my feet, and I prayed to God. I said, 'God, will you please let me have boobs so big that I can't see my feet when I'm lying down?'" At age 11, "God answered my prayers,"

Did he ever. I guess thats what happens when you are the child of two preachers. Preferential treatment. All I've ever received is a pick 6 in the Chick-Fil-A Bowl and apparently it cost me the afccg. Oh well, thanks god, I guess I'll just go fuck myself. 

But seriously though, I respect the shit out of this from Katy. If you are a girl in the world you have to be hot. HAVE TO. Preferably with rocking tits. I've said it before and I will say it again, if I am cursed with a daughter (if someone lets me impregnate them) and my choices are smart, loving, and ugly vs stupid, slutty, and hot I take the slut 1 billions times out of a billion. "Oh powers I can't believe you want your daughter to be a whore! You are going to come down stairs for breakfast and know the unshaven 17 year old dude in the yankees hat just got sucked off by your little girl". Don't care. If my daughter is ugly that means I have to sit at home with her on prom night when no one is calling, and I have to sit with her when she gets passed up on jobs, and I have to sit with her when she is 35 talking about how badly she used to want kids but her cats are really growing on her. I would much rather spend my entire adult life trying and failing to chase douche bags off my porch after they fucked my daughter because at least I will know she will have a happy life. Things will be handed to her, she will gets jobs she doesn't deserve, until someone who is rich puts a million dollars on her ring finger and she never lifts and another finger again. And he will probably be good looking and then my grandchildren will be successful also. It's all about continuing your blood line, and if sluts are good at anything its reproducing. 

So good for you Katy, you didn't waste your prayers, and may you pass on those cannons to any daughters you might have so they can take their shitty singing voice and turn it into a career. 

PS Name me one other blog where you can get barstool quality without having to deal with a single ad, and the blogger knows his readers by name. YOU CANT. 

Breaking Breakfast News: Froot Loops Are All the Same Flavor

Source - We hate to be the ones to tell you this, but: you’ve been eating a bowl of lies for breakfast … and you probably liked it.

Turns out that the delicious, multicolored O’s that make up Froot Loops don’t actually represent different fruit flavors. Reddit’s Today I Learned series recently unearthed a 1999 article from the Straight Dope, which confirms that “according to Kellogg’s, all of those delectable loops are flavored the same.”

I mean everyone already knew this, right? I am a moron of epic proportions but even I wasn't saving my red froot loops for last because I liked those the best. (However I do do that with M&Ms, psycho shit). My point is this, froot loops, fruity pebbles, and trix have the same taste with every different colored kernel, and if you didn't know that than you are stupid. But what are you eating these anyway? 

3)

2) 

1)

No brainer, end of discussion. This is as big as your rotation ever needs to be. Quit breakfast if you disagree. 

The MGM Lion gets his paws in cement at the TCL Chinese Theater

Source - Leo the Lion became the first studio icon and wild animal to place his paw prints into the cement at the TCL Chinese Theatre Wednesday morning. 
On hand to commemorate the 90th anniversary of MGM Studios, Leo, known for his signature roar at the start of each MGM film, was joined by Chairman and CEO Gary Barber and Rocky Balboa himself, Sylvester Stallone.


I'm so fucked. I got Pierce and Trygg getting screen time on Bar Swap, I got old high school friends going lez to make it in the business then hoping back on dick when they feel like it, I got barstool IOWA, I got no job, I got no money, and now I got wild fucking animals getting stars on Hollywood Blvd. At what point do we just put me out of my misery? At what point do they say, "son, the moving back east and getting a real job ship has sailed."? I'm just saying a 25 cent bullet is looking real nice right about now, if only I could afford it.