The Hollywood Hills

NSFW after the jump

Katy Cocktease says she prayed for big tits

Source - Perry, the daughter of two preachers, admits that she's been obsessing over her bust since childhood.

"I lay on my back one night and looked down at my feet, and I prayed to God. I said, 'God, will you please let me have boobs so big that I can't see my feet when I'm lying down?'" At age 11, "God answered my prayers,"

Did he ever. I guess thats what happens when you are the child of two preachers. Preferential treatment. All I've ever received is a pick 6 in the Chick-Fil-A Bowl and apparently it cost me the afccg. Oh well, thanks god, I guess I'll just go fuck myself. 

But seriously though, I respect the shit out of this from Katy. If you are a girl in the world you have to be hot. HAVE TO. Preferably with rocking tits. I've said it before and I will say it again, if I am cursed with a daughter (if someone lets me impregnate them) and my choices are smart, loving, and ugly vs stupid, slutty, and hot I take the slut 1 billions times out of a billion. "Oh powers I can't believe you want your daughter to be a whore! You are going to come down stairs for breakfast and know the unshaven 17 year old dude in the yankees hat just got sucked off by your little girl". Don't care. If my daughter is ugly that means I have to sit at home with her on prom night when no one is calling, and I have to sit with her when she gets passed up on jobs, and I have to sit with her when she is 35 talking about how badly she used to want kids but her cats are really growing on her. I would much rather spend my entire adult life trying and failing to chase douche bags off my porch after they fucked my daughter because at least I will know she will have a happy life. Things will be handed to her, she will gets jobs she doesn't deserve, until someone who is rich puts a million dollars on her ring finger and she never lifts and another finger again. And he will probably be good looking and then my grandchildren will be successful also. It's all about continuing your blood line, and if sluts are good at anything its reproducing. 

So good for you Katy, you didn't waste your prayers, and may you pass on those cannons to any daughters you might have so they can take their shitty singing voice and turn it into a career. 

PS Name me one other blog where you can get barstool quality without having to deal with a single ad, and the blogger knows his readers by name. YOU CANT. 

Breaking Breakfast News: Froot Loops Are All the Same Flavor

Source - We hate to be the ones to tell you this, but: you’ve been eating a bowl of lies for breakfast … and you probably liked it.

Turns out that the delicious, multicolored O’s that make up Froot Loops don’t actually represent different fruit flavors. Reddit’s Today I Learned series recently unearthed a 1999 article from the Straight Dope, which confirms that “according to Kellogg’s, all of those delectable loops are flavored the same.”

I mean everyone already knew this, right? I am a moron of epic proportions but even I wasn't saving my red froot loops for last because I liked those the best. (However I do do that with M&Ms, psycho shit). My point is this, froot loops, fruity pebbles, and trix have the same taste with every different colored kernel, and if you didn't know that than you are stupid. But what are you eating these anyway? 

3)

2) 

1)

No brainer, end of discussion. This is as big as your rotation ever needs to be. Quit breakfast if you disagree. 

The MGM Lion gets his paws in cement at the TCL Chinese Theater

Source - Leo the Lion became the first studio icon and wild animal to place his paw prints into the cement at the TCL Chinese Theatre Wednesday morning. 
On hand to commemorate the 90th anniversary of MGM Studios, Leo, known for his signature roar at the start of each MGM film, was joined by Chairman and CEO Gary Barber and Rocky Balboa himself, Sylvester Stallone.


I'm so fucked. I got Pierce and Trygg getting screen time on Bar Swap, I got old high school friends going lez to make it in the business then hoping back on dick when they feel like it, I got barstool IOWA, I got no job, I got no money, and now I got wild fucking animals getting stars on Hollywood Blvd. At what point do we just put me out of my misery? At what point do they say, "son, the moving back east and getting a real job ship has sailed."? I'm just saying a 25 cent bullet is looking real nice right about now, if only I could afford it. 

Car hits guy on a bike, guy gets stuck in the car windshield, driver doesn't notice

Source - MANITOWOC, Wis. (AP) — A Wisconsin man who became lodged in the windshield of a car that struck him said he turned to the driver and said, "Hello, I'm the guy you hit on the bicycle."

The driver did not respond, but continued on, running a stop sign and hitting another vehicle before he arrived home, the cyclist, Steven Gove, told HTR Media about the Saturday incident The man finally noticed Gove when he stopped the car outside his home.

"He looked at me and said 'Who are you? What are you doing in the car?'" Gove said. "He started freaking out: 'I'm going to jail, I'm going to jail.'"

The man then locked the car doors and went into his home. 

That might have been the most fun headline I have ever typed. Wisconsin swag to the max. What kind of power on power move is this? Fucking smashing into a biker, the dude gets lodged in your windshield, glass everywhere, and you just keep cruising on home. Maybe turned the heat up cause it got a little breezy in here all of a sudden. Even after he realizes there is another human draped across the dash he gives the old "who are you?" then goes inside. Good thing he locked the car, its not like you have a person for a windshield. Complete and utter disrespect for the cyclist game. 

Needless to say the guy lived, or I wouldn't be blogging about this. I was gonna shit on the biker for saying he was wearing his reflective vest and flashers, but then I found out hes a 56 year old newspaper carrier and the driver was some 20 year old prick who was probably so fucked up he thought he was in GTA with great graphics, and I started to feel bad. Anyway, get Aaron Rogers on the line because this kid is definitely going to need to discount double check his insurance. 

Florida teen does porn to support his mom, gets suspended from school

Source - (CNN) -- An 18-year-old Florida student is set to return to class Wednesday after he says he was suspended when school officials learned of his pornographic online photos and videos. 

Robert Marucci, a senior at Cocoa High School in Cocoa, Florida, told CNN affiliate WKMG that he picked up his X-rated gig to help his mom pay the bills.


Let me start off by saying I have a problem with the school suspending this kid. He's 18, he can do whatever the fuck he wants as long he keeps it separate from school. I do have a problem with this kids mother. Your job is to support your children. Some people have it easy, they are rich. Some parents work two/three jobs to keep their family a float and I respect that. Some sling drugs and some suck dick, whatever it takes put food on the plate and provide a bed to lay his head in. So it just rubs me the wrong way hearing that the son had to make the move to porn. What the fuck does his mom look like that she can't do this? I mean there are fetish videos for just about everything. No way she can't make the same money he is pulling in. Most likely more. Bad parenting 101 right here. 

PS What kinda porn is this chump doing? I mean I always thought, as a dude, you had to start out in a ton of gay porns, and then MAYBE if you have an absolute hammer you get to eat out Katie Morgan some day. And if that is not true and this dude has been firing loads into smokes from jump street I need to know right now, because that is pretty much the only thing keeping me from taking the plunge. 

Kate Upton is back 'on-again' with Justin Verlander

Source - The buxom model, 21, and the Detroit Tigers pitcher, 30, "spent all weekend in the Bahamas together" on the gorgeous tropical island St. Thomas up to New Year's Eve. "We spotted them looking very cozy having dinner at the restaurant Mahogany House near Lyford Cay,"


Fuck off Justin! Seriously bro, maybe you should spend less time plugging my dream girl and more time working on something off speed unless you enjoyed Napoli taking your ass deep. 

What the fuck is going on in this sean penn story

Source - OK, the big news out of Piers Morgan's "My Life and Other Celebrities" column for the Daily Mail is that Sean Penn and Charlize Theron really are dating...
But the other thing Morgan, an outspoken anti-gun advocate, mentioned in his column was this: His pal Penn owns 67 guns, a fact the actor admitted over the phone the day before the charity gala...
"I’m melting down all the guns, and the ton of ammo I have, too, and the great artist Jeff Koons has agreed to make a sculpture out of it all to sell at my Haiti fund-raiser tomorrow night," Penn told Morgan.


For those of you keeping score at home this means that sean penn, who is 53, is dating charlize theron, who is 38. I'm not an age-ist, so that isn't my issue. Trust me, I've done much much worse. I just don't get what charlize is doing. It's not like she isn't A-list hot. She can bag who ever she wants. And she wants the stick up his ass 50 year old who went full retard? 

And what's with the gun thing? The dude has 67 guns? I would say that qualifies as enough to necessitate an entire rack. But thats got to be a red flag though, right? Like what the fuck is sean penn doing with 67 different ways to kill you in the front hall closet? Not to mention the fact that now he is melting all the guns and the ton of ammo (i assume he literally means 2000 lbs of ammo) to be turned into a sadistic fucking sculpture made out of deadly weapons to be sold at a Hati fund raiser? What planet am I on? 

PS Do we like how they are wearing their hair the same way in this picture

Soulja Boy arrested on suspicion of having loaded gun

Source - Rapper Soulja Boy was arrested during a traffic stop early Wednesday on suspicion of having a loaded gun, according to the Los Angeles Police Department.

The rapper, whose name is DeAndre Cortez Way, 23, was booked for possession of a concealed weapon about 4 a.m. during a traffic stop in the 17000 block of Barneston St. in Granada Hills, said Los Angeles Police Officer Wendy Reyes.

I didn't go to law school like my boy James, who has single-handedly kept me alive over the past four days, so I just don't understand the way the law works. Can we actually arrest people on the 'suspicion' of having a loaded gun? And if so, why isn't Soulja Boy being arrested every time he walks out of the house? That's what I don't understand. Obviously Soulja Boy has a loaded gun on him. Especially at 4am in Granada Hills. I don't even want to live in the world where Soulja Boy doesn't have a gun on him 24/7. So what are we even doing here? Arrest him for a concealed weapon, but not for the suspicion. I've got to believe the upstanding gentlemen of the LAPD have better things to do than arresting every single rapper in the city for packing heat, so why don't you let my man DeAndre go superman some hoes and call it a day? 

The Hollywood Hills

All kinds of NSFW after the jump

Blue meth was found in Albuquerque, New Mexico

Source - ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. (AP) — Reality in the illegal drug world is mimicking fiction.

Kevin Abar, assistant special agent in charge of Homeland Security Investigations in New Mexico, says distributors are selling methamphetamine tinted blue in the Four Corners region. Abar says tinting meth blue is a way for distributors to advertise and brand their product.

How about Albuquerque NM, huh? What a piece of shit place to live. (Cue Barstool Albuquerque press conference tomorrow morning) Is there anyone in this city not on hard drugs? But either way who ever the Heisenberg is cooking this baby blue he flat out gets it. It's called giving the people what they want. It's called brand recognition. It doesn't matter if this shit is 20% pure. It was 99% on the tv show and that is all the matters. You have the hottest ticket in town. Create the demand and own the supply. It's a no brainer. 

PS No way this dude ever goes down. It would send the meth community into an uproar. You can't lose with 100% approval. Win the crowd, you win your freedom. 

Daddy is feeling good tonight

I started feeling good about myself tonight and had a bit too much wine. Then the music came on and I started grooving. I grooved my way into the bathroom at one point to take a piss and caught the reflection of myself dancing in the mirror.

I can fucking BRING IT. No wonder I make out every time I go to a bar.

This is me on every single saturday night.

10 amazing ways to stop overeating

James.

End of blog.

Jim Carrey and Shia Labeouf fight is making me laugh

So Jim Carrey dropped this gem at the globes on sunday. He is ripping on Shia for plagerizing talented people's work. It was funny. Jim is funny. He makes jokes. Everybody chill. Then Shia fired back on twitter as per usual these days. 

Then apologized as per usual. 

But heres what made me laugh. Shia is getting killed for this overreaction. Especially because he is kind of falling off the map in hollywood. When he was younger he was the next tom hanks. then he did some shit movies, stole someone else's work, and now hes got the black death on him. I don't care who you are, that got to wear on you to some degree. You thought you had it all, and it comes crashing down. So to see him tweet the following, and know deep down that he has fallen, really just tickled my funny bone. 

Sorry for the slow day I was busy hammering job interviews like it was my J-O-.... nevermind

The world of TPS reports is at my finger tips. I am minutes away from a cube job, where I will have to blog from the bathroom stalls to keep you peasants entertained as I collect benjamins. I was hot today. You should have fucking seen me. Red hot. Blue hot. All of them. Literal smoke coming off the top of my frosted tips.

I was taking names and then dropping them on anyone who would listen and I just might have lied and cheated my way into minimum wage employment. More info later in the week, which means you have bathing in my failed tears to look forward to in the next 24-48 hours.

I haven't even been to the interview yet and I'm already dreading not being able to sleep in. 

The Hollywood Hills

Editor's Update: NSFW after the jump. Sorry that was bush league. 

Gisele is four wheeling with Vivian is making me feel primal things

Source - Safety first ... is not exactly a priority for Gisele Bundchen, who took her 1-year-old daughter on an ATV ride yesterday in Costa Rica -- without a helmet.

Gisele wasn't doing wheelies or anything, but it's still pretty dangerous, considering she was driving one-handed and holding on to her baby daughter Vivian Lake with the other. 

For the record, it's illegal to ride an ATV on public land in Costa Rica without a helmet. Gisele's driving down to the beach, but it's unclear if the beach is private.


Jesus. This fucking family. One minute there are taking family of the year worthy christmas card candid's playing in the snow together, then you blink your eyes and the next minute Tom is shitting on the new it quarterback on the way to his NFL record 8th AFCCG and Gisele is shredding an ATV illegally across Costa Rica no helmet, shades on, baby in one arm. This is alpha city. This is I have two kids but my body is dynamite. This my daughter will be the only super model to ever get paid more than I have been paid. This is I make the fucking rules in Costa Rica. This is my husband probably could throw the ball and catch ball. I just feel bad for whoever took this picture because they were probably shot by Brady's security. 

Game of Thrones season 4 trailer

Game of Thrones released the trailer for the new season. If you read the books you know that books 4 and five are legit bad books. I'm worried for the show's future. This season should be the the last third of book 3 and then who knows how far into book 4/5 (because they are the timeline). Just like how I feel about the books, I'm in too deep stop anyway. Khaleesi and Ygritte are certified smokes. You know you are going to get some tits, you know you are going to get some blood, probably with a few quality one liners in there as well like the there is only one hell, the one we live in now.

Now that road to the winter classic is over, I canceled HBO and I wont be getting it back until April 6th. Lets pray to the old gods and the new that season 4 is worth it.

Editor's update: It was more of they shut off HBO due to lack of payment than me canceling it if we're being honest. 

Southwest plane lands at the wrong airport

Source - The Southwest Airlines pilots who landed a plane at the wrong Missouri airport Sunday night have been removed from flying duty, pending an investigation, Southwest spokeswoman Brandy King said. Both pilots have been flying with Southwest for more than 13 years, she said.

The pilots repeatedly apologized to passengers who were stuck on the tarmac for two hours while steps could be brought over from Branson Airport to help them deplane.

While waiting, Schieffer and the other passengers ate peanuts provided by flight attendants. Southwest offered them a $200 travel voucher, he said.


When I first read this headline I figured we were talking full on wrong city. At least they were a few miles away. However, once you consider that fact that it was a tiny runway and they always tumbled down a cliff killing everyone the mistake seems pretty glaring. The worst part is they were stuck on the plane for two hours trying to get stairs that could get them down eating nothing but peanuts. Jetblue gave me 50 bucks because my plane was so delayed leaving Boston during Hercules. 200 dollars isn't even close to what these people deserve. 

I really want to know what happened to the pilot profession. Getting me across the country 35000 feet in the air is a big deal. These guys used to get standing ovations when planes landed, and they would roll around with the hottest crew of flight attendants in the game and fucked all of them. Now they are doing lines of coke of strippers tits five minutes before take off just to wake up. Or at least that's what I got from Flight. All I'm saying is no way somebody sober lands a jet at the wrong fucking airport. 

tyson foods is recalled 33,000 pounds of chicken they put out that has salmonella

Source - Tyson Foods is voluntarily recalling 33,840 pounds of uncooked, mechanically separated chicken that may contain salmonella. Seven people have reported illnesses linked to the chicken. Approximately 846 cases of the recalled chicken were produced on Oct. 11, 2013. Cases were shipped to institutional customers in California, Florida, Indiana, Kansas, Nevada, New Jersey, Ohio and Wisconsin.  

I am fucked. Less than 3% chance I don't have salmonella. This is all I eat. I told my boy Stu over Christmas that my daily routine is I wake up in the morning, grab the old bag of pistachio nuts that has been empty for weeks and I smell it for about 20 seconds. Thats breakfast. For lunch I eat one can of tuna that I dump soy sauce on because I can't afford to buy mayo. For dinner I buy tyson chicken in bulk and grill it. Sometimes I keep it in the fridge too long and it smells like shit and turns weird colors but I always figured if you just grill the shit out of it then you're all good. So now not only are these tenderloins a treasure trove of bacteria I've got salmonella to deal with too? It was nice knowing you fellas, just know I died doing what I love. Sleeping through my alarm, blogging, and drinking too much chasing a pipe dream that will never come true. 

three hour orgasm sends woman to the hospital

Must watch video just for the reenactment. It's times like these I know I will never make it as an actor when there people out there dropping oscar worthy performances like this just for reality tv. I'd be lucky to get a commercial. 

Real talk though, I've never seen a female orgasm in person so I don't know how I would react to this. The "doctor" they ask about it says she has seen men with erections for three hours but that is completely different. That is like a chick being wet for three hours which happens 25 times at every wolf of wall street screening. This would be like me firing off ropes for three hours straight, so I understand that this might be an issue. Hard to blog all day when I'm soaking the keyboard and my eyes are rolled in the back of my head. The one thing I do know is that this dude has officially broken sex. Why even have it anymore. It's like when I beat a video game so badly I don't even want to play it anymore. Three hour orgasm babe? Is that good? 

Chick gets stabbed by her boyfriend when she brought him the wrong lunch

Source - A woman was attacked by her boyfriend because she brought home the wrong lunch, police say.

The Associated Press reports that Michael Corsey allegedly stabbed his girlfriend with a kitchen knife after she brought home pizza, instead of the chicken sandwich he asked for.

Cops said the woman, who was also choked and hit in the face by Corsey, was treated for minor injuries.

I have the same questions I always have about these stories. The devil is in the details. Did she bring him a slice or a whole pie? Was she choked and punched first and then stabbed? Or was she stabbed first? What is a kitchen knife? Are we talking a butter knife, a steak knife, or the beast I use to slice tomatoes? The answers to these questions change everything. 

Based on the information given to me, I rule in favor of the girlfriend. Listen, I understand having your heart set on something and being given something else. But it's hard for me to support anyone being that mad about pizza. It's like the universal 'yea that works' food. When every people can't decide on what take out to order 9 times out of 10 the conversation ends with lets just get some pizza. So maybe take a breath, enjoy your slice, and don't filet your girlfriend over a busted lunch. 

Nurse on board a flight from Iowa saves pilot from a heart attack mid flight

Source - Linda Alweiss, along with her husband and 16-year-old daughter, was on her way home from Iowa on Dec. 30 when two chilling announcements were made on the plane’s intercom, the first asking if anyone on board had medical training. A registered nurse with decades of experience, Alweiss said that when she volunteered to assist, she found the pilot slumped over in the cockpit, mumbling and barely responsive. His heart was beating irregularly, possibly as a result of a heart attack.

After the co-pilot took control of the airplane, a second, more chilling announcement was made: Does anyone in the cabin have flight experience?

“I turned to the co-pilot and I asked her, ‘You know how to land the plane, right?’ And she said yes,”

“She did her job,” said Alweiss’ husband, Alan. “She jumped at the opportunity, didn’t hesitate. And she did it at 30,000 feet, knowing that the person who was supposed to be flying the plane was her patient.”

Pretty cool story, definitely would be scary if you were on board. The plane was fine and the pilot lived. People helping people, powerful stuff. My issue is with the co-pilot and whoever made the second announcement if it wasn't her. You are the co-pilot. You are literally only up there to take control of the plane if the pilot needs to rest his eyes at 35,000 feet after a drug binge hours earlier, or if the pilot has a heart attack. Well, step up to the plate babe, because your number just got called. If you arent capable of handling the plane alone then you need to be fired. Announcing to the full plane 'does anyone have flight experience' is the most reckless and irresponsible shit ive heard. Nurse Jackie is going to have to treat my heart attack as well when I hear that announcement. Handle your shit and shut the fuck up. My friend was literally on the plane that crashed in the Hudson. He told me Sully didn't say a god damn word over the speaker until right before the plane hit the ice and all he said was "Brace for impact." When asked later why he didn't talk to the passengers he said he had more important shit going on, like landing a jet a on frozen river and keeping everyone alive. Next time Cougar goes down be ready step up Maverick. 

PS The fact that barstool IOWA has blogged this already is an embarrassment to the city of IOWA. 

PPS Glad to see Linda is married to Bill Belichick. DO YOUR JOB.

Does this look like the face of a Santa Anna man who fell asleep mid burglary

Source - A Santa Ana man has been charged with burglary after allegedly stealing cell phones and a PlayStation console from a home — and falling asleep next to the owners. The victim was in his room, sleeping with his wife, when he felt something touch his leg, according to a statement issued by the Santa Ana Police Department. He said he got up and saw Ortega, a man he knows from his neighborhood, sleeping at the foot of his bed.


Every now and then you hear a story and you know right away we are talking about a next generation criminal and that is exactly what Ruben Ortega is. You can't teach mind games like this. Break into your house, grab the PS4, curl up at the foot of your bed like your dog, and grab some Zs. Psycho shit. 

What I need to know is did the bed just look that comfortable? Was this like when you are doing your 7th lap around IKEA and those beds are just calling your name. Can't help but take a load off and next thing you know eight hours have passed and youre craving breakfast. Or was he just that tired and thought he didn't have the strength to get back out the window without recharging the batteries for a bit. Time just got away from him. What doesn't make sense is why are you too good for the couch dude? What are you even doing in the master bedroom? The only thing you're going to find in there is the bat the husband keeps next to the bed to keep out morons like you. 

Miranda Kerr goes no underwear at the globes

Absolute sex pot power move here. Yes, I'm in a smoking hot black dress. Yes, I'm one of the hottest women in the world. Yes my ass is kicking the shit out of this dress. Yes, it's shaping my ass so tight that I must be wearing a thong. WRONG. Here's a little sliver of bare leg just to show you no underwear. No other reason for that design. Just give me a taste and let my imagination do the rest of the work.

Nick Kroll tells Bono to watch his back after he kisses Amy Poehler

Source - Kroll, 35, was among those who went unmentioned by Poehler. Shortly after her big win (and subsequent makeout with Bono), he took to Twitter to jokingly warn the U2 singer to stay away from his lady.

"Hey Bono, watch your back," the League actor quipped.

Us Weekly first broke the news of Poehler's romance with Kroll back in May 2013. She announced her separation from husband Will Arnett eight months earlier, in September 2012.

This was obviously a joke, but what is not a joke is that Amy Poehler broke up with Will Arnett (with whom she has two kids) to date Nick Kroll. What the fuck? As James Franco put it, Nick Kroll is a rat faced comedian. That is who you are hitching your wagon too? You have a golden globe now for christ's sake. The only award Nick Kroll will ever be in touching distance of is the MTV movie award for best WTF moment, and the moment will be the fact that he is actually on a tv show. Plus Will Arnett is the shit. Maybe that's just my arrested development love speaking, but Amy has either lost her mind or been slipped a forget-me-now. 

PS Is Amy hot? People were killing her last night saying Tina Fey in a land slide. But at least once she had a dress on that looked great. I have a thing for blondes, not denying that, but Tina's hair was all big and weird, and she gets pretty wide in the hips. Neither are your pick of the litter, I'm just saying Amy would easily jump the hottest girl I've ever fucked. It's an elite group to say the least. 

Can we talk about Jennifer Lawrence real quick?

The world is in love with this girl, and it almost makes me hate her. First of all, she is a good actress. Thought she should have been nominated for winters bone which she was, and thought she should have been nominated for silver linings which she was. However she won for silver linings which I thought was crazy, and she is going to win for american hustle which I also think is crazy. Meryl has 3 oscars and she just got her third. Jenn is 23 and we are going to live in the world where she has two already? What, is she the best actress to ever fucking live? And I think she is hot and I think she is down to earth. But she plays up this I don't conform card so much. Like I eat pizza and like to clown around. I feel like that is her image now and she really isn't that chill, its just for show. And that rattles me. I don't know. I guess I just don't understand why the world is in love with her right now. Everything she does is perfect. She fucking falls at the oscars. Gold. She photobombs tay swfit interviews. Gold. Yucking it up with Bradley Cooper. Gold.

Also she is dating beast from the X-Men movies??

Fuck! What am I even doing here anymore? What is the point of trying to become a famous actor if all the chicks I want to have sex with are already have sex with other idiots. I might as well get a cube job and live out the rest of my miserable days jerking off to Emma Watson in a pant suit.

Finally here is a vid of Jenn the night before the globes telling the paparazzi that she is too fucked up to talk to them. Will that work for me, or does only JLaw get away with this? Either way, gotta keep this one in the back pocket next time anyone tries to speak to me on a Saturday night.

Woody Allen's son was NOT happy about his dad's award last night

Source - Ronan Farrow destroyed his estranged father Woody Allen on Twitter shortly after the filmmaker was honored at Sunday’s Golden Globes. 

He tweeted, “Missed the Woody Allen tribute – did they put the part where a woman publicly confirmed he molested her at age 7 before or after Annie Hall?”


Shots fired! Shots fired! Here's the thing, sometimes in life you have to pick your battles. If you believe your dad molested a 7 year old and want to hate him forever because of it that is totally fine. If he did molest a 7 year old that is fucked up. And certainly, I don't have to read your tweets. If I have a problem with the shit anyone tweets, it's my fault for following them. (not that I follow this fucking dweeb). But my point is, why go at Woody here? He is a fucking icon receiving a career achievement award. He makes awesome movies. Who the fuck are you? And did you really miss the tribute bro? Or were you watching just like the rest of the world and then got so angry when everyone was sucking your dad's dick and Diane Keaton was singing a really weird song? He's woody allen. You can't beat him. Not a man who has touched so many lives in show business like they were seven year old girls. 

What move is this by emma watson

I love me some Emma Watson. I am scarily obsessed with Harry Potter, and once she got hot in like the fourth one it was hard not to fall in love with her.  (i think she might have been 15 in that one but I was like 17 then so take it easy) She is such a little minx and I love that her hair is getting long again. The few times they cut to her in the ground she was smoldering hot, and she looked good presenting. I didn't even think twice about it. Just a babe being a babe. Then I saw this picture today. That's what she was wearing? Is this acceptable? I like the open back, but I am having a hard time betting on board with the pants look. This is a red carpet night, Emma. Hug that ass with a silk dress. Did you see Margot Robbie's butt? Make me want to eat off it. You just gotta do more than this. When I close my eyes and picture you I don't want the image to be you wearing a red bathrobe backwards.

I'm going to talk a lot about the Globes today, deal with it

In case you don't have cable or internet or two eyes and heart the globes were in the beverly hills hilton last night. (been there)

I will say this about it. Kate Beckinsale is offensively hot. McConaughey's chicken dance made me laugh out loud. Love that Leo won, but he legitimately might not get nominated for an Oscar, so the saga continues. Love that Spike Jones won. Hosts were decent. There were some brutal speeches. Happy for Amy Adams. Happy for Cranston and Breaking Bad. Thought Aaron Paul was robbed.

However my biggest take away from the night was the debacle that was anything tv comedy related. Andy Samberg is a funny dude, I hope he has a happy life and a good career. But Brooklyn 99 SUCKS. It is a horrible show that is overacted with broke ass writing. It is not funny, nor is he funny in it. I have been counting the days until it gets canceled. The fact that he won best actor and that won best comedy is a funnier joke than anything said on Brooklyn 99 all season.

End of rant.

Im back bitches

So I went home over the holidays and took some time off as I am sure most of you did. I got back to LA last week and had some shit to do and I thought to myself, you know what? I'm not gonna blog this week. Fuck it. I know my readership is growing at an exponential rate but they can wait. I'm busy.

Well, you win you impatient mother fuckers. I didn't realize how pathetic your lives are. I got four texts last week from worried readers. FOUR! "hey man where's the blog, really fucking up my morning commute." "Dude what happened to the sports pad, i might kill myself if you dont blog again." "Powers, I am in love with your blog and possibly you. please keep writing and have sex with me." (from a guy) "your blog is the best thing on the internet, please dont take this from me"

Alright already. I'm back again to make your life suck a little bit less than it certainly does. I just want the haters and the people who are rooting for me to fail to know that in the morning they wake up to their shitty lives and their shitty problems while I'm taking over the internet.